today my elderly demented patient peed on his bed.

night before he wrapped himself up in the window curtain

and then peed on the wall. he also attempted to flush his sock.

lovely. so lovely.

hi guys this is my first car ever !!! its a 2007 honda fit.
i got it Nov 30th. then it died on Dec 8th.



totally awesome.

currently playing:

currently reading:

so me and my pal were talking about that new show "Daybreak" where the basis of the show is that the day repeats over and over again for this dude. well . i already feel like that happens to me everyday. and would it really be SOO bad to repeat the day over? i feel that that would give me free reign on anything i wanted to do. i could go to france in a day. but then i guess i would never make it to taiwan. which would be really sad. but it would give me a chance just to see how much i could get away with everyday. if i were tested i would do more bad than good just for fun of course. human nature right? well for right now nurture is what's keeping me in good control. sometimes i wish i could just speak my mind as is or scream and act irrational w/out any consequences. that repeated days stuff sounds good to me bc with it comes fresh starts. i can't really think of anything bad in repeating days. i have nothing to complain about in my humdrum life ... o my lord is this really all there is ??? i want to go jump out of a plane. i want to fire a gun. i want to go deep sea diving. i want to be lost on an island. but i bet i will do none. humdrum. what i need to do is stop watching movies and tv.

Royal Caribbean Cruisemonarch of the seas


eee!! jan 7th - 12th w ning, sandy, & ting.

taking care of and being responsible for six (mentally ill) individuals is a lot of work. its six grown up adult kids i have to run around after and tend to. they are like babies. it is amazing how adults can regress so much into their childhood. it is also amazing to see people who cannot cope with anger but be able to cope & find humor when in pain. and it is so scary and disheartening when you find out your patient is a level 4 pedophile. and it feels weird and wrong when you try to talk to them about suicide ideation or depresson ... bc inside im desperately trying to keep the vomit down. and im feeling like i don't care if he/she lives or dies but just get the fuck out of my face and off my unit. i forgot to eat and go peepee today. nevertheless, i am grateful for my job (im learning alot about human beings and specifically me as one) and i am really VERY lucky. tomorrow will be all about ME & family :)

slurp

ooo i really want all these pairs. that would burn a $200 hole in my account :( maybe i will get ONE pair. i really like the first four the best. i will have to catch them all i suppose. 200 bucks for 4 pairs of fall shoes is really not bad.

i am so sad to leave my birkenstocks behind. they are like second skin and a bad habit because i wear them with ALL my outfits ANYWHERE. anytime it gets warm the soles of my feet to the skin between my toes ache to slip on that cow skin and feel the bump that fits so perfect under the ball of my foot. as soon as i stand up it disappears and my feet feel all naked. and i also like to tip my body back and forth to feel the sandals underneath. my birks have also got ice cream drops leftover from the summer.

hehe. sigh. hello fall .

today at work a really old lady patient started screaming incoherently at the top of her lungs in her room. i rushed in and tried to calm her down. then i left. and i was talking to a co-worker about how bloated her stomach was and maybe she was in pain bc her stomach just looked so large and distorted. she took one look at me and said "you do realize that was her boob you've been staring at right?" omg that thing was popping out of her gown and so big it masqueraded as a stomach.

i was tricked!

here are some recent summer pics of the always lovely trips to south haven.from left to right is matt, dan, eddie, and matt's dad (thanks papa smurf!).i forgot my camera so these are quick pics from our last day on ning's cam.they are all of when we had just awaken. hehe.

beach was fun on the last day. the tides were strrong :)
me & ting
some weirdo

ning & me

it was good seeing everyone and being together again.
sigh. this was ting's last weekend w us before she left for nyu this fall
and ning went back to cali, matt to baltimore shortly after this trip.
o le sadness.

day numero quatro ! aye yai yaiiiiii !!
hehe last night we had three admissions
& i didn't do anything bc i already had a full team . weee lucky charms :)

pheww. yesterday, the first day of my 9 day stretch ended up being a double from 3pm - 7 am.
i am so pooped out. now i will have to drag my butt back in less than 8 hours for another eve shift at 3pm. here goes day number twooooo ! shift number three !!! get psyched.

its a small world after all ... dang u hipaa...

~yesterday night i finally broke through with a really tough cookie patient. she is labile, paranoid, and irritable. very agitated at times. she has attempted to hurt my feelings many times over and i have walked away many times from her. i don't know how but we sat down and really conversed with one another for the first time since admission. it surprised me that there was an actual compassionate human being under all the profane and hostile behavior. perhaps this was just a small break in the middle of a storm. maybe i was just in the eye of it. but that glimpse of who she is or who she used to be reaffirmed my hope for her. and even more importantly reminded me "Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill. yes sir.

i am about to attempt a 9 day stretch of work starting tomorrow.
sigh. wipeout. please let there be no full moons ...

happy 40 months! have fun in vegas hoonie :D

brittle diabetics scare me.

here is my night with 1/6 patients: normal CBG 70 - 110 ..

@1700 CBG 352 - 8 units per sliding scale
@2000 CBG 452 - 12 units per sliding scale & 35 units scheduled lantus
@2151 CBG 399 - 6 units per sliding scale
@0000 CBG 115 - pt begins bottoming out as result of lantus
@0010 - stuff sandwich in patients mouth and make her eat to keep up CBG

... when she woke up in the am her CBG was 47.

wtf!!! and the last eve i had her she was up to 569 ! o and she came into the ER with a CBG of 16. hooray for discharge tomorrow :)

*edit . boo. she is not leaving until monday so i had her again last night. but guess whaaat! first CBG of the night was 150 and she received noooo cover! i was so happy and excited that i paged the doc with the news with lots of !!!!! it was actually low bc i ended up babysitting her and bugging her for three hours not to snack before dinner. but then i had to see the other patients so the second one of the night was 313. still under 400 woohoo! which means we did not have to draw any blood. literally :D damn it feels good to be a gansta !

i gotta beta. his name is joey and he is a mix of blue and red!
i do not have a green thumb. my cosomos sprouted then died.
this has been a quick update.

yayy thanks sweatheart ! happy 3 years 3 months ! yay for old foggies .
i am keane for dan . hah .

happy birthday ting !

watching the trailer made me cry :*(
i must see this movie somehow.
yayy taiwan. go here to see http://www.threetimes-film.com/main.html

Happy Birthday to Laura !

*edit *** omg so this movie is beautiful but it is way too artsy fartsy. it's only 1.5 hours long i think but it has taken me and dan three viewings thus far. we still haven't completed the whole movie. talking is basicallly forbidden. it is so confusing and slow. and we've fallen asleep everytime we see 15 min of the movie because it feels like 1 hr has just passed by. ugh.

hooray i just planed seashell cosmos in my little front garden ! aren't they just lovely? hopefully they turn out well :D it will be nice to see them grow up as tall as four feet tall. hopefully they will be manageable. at least i will have pretty table flowers. the ones i am growing are going to be a variety of white, peach, red, and pinks interlaced with one another.

hi i need to v*e*n*t.
one of my patients was a 86 yr old female w vascular dementia. she was incredibly confused and oriented only to herself. she was on assault precautions for hitting, slapping, kicking, and pinching staff members. despite her agitation and aggravation she was redirectable on a one to one basis. basically she was fine if someone was there to reorient her and talk to her. and the extent of the injuries on staff as result of her "assaults" were NONE zip zero. WHY!? because she was too goddamn old and fragile to hurt anyone to the extent she wanted to hurt them. throughout the shift there is this one pct who is so freaking self served, demanding, and all knowing. just who does she think she is? she kept on remarking about how this patient needs to be on "something" for her agitation. complaining the whole time to me while we were taking care of her. implying i should get on it and drug up this lady. one of my strongest beliefs regarding the elderly is to refrain from drugging them up. what will that accomplish??!?!?!? they do not deserve that kind of tx. to be shut up and put to sleep. and who knows if the next shift will continue that regimen. NOT FAIR. i had ignored her the entire time she was complaining. later i went back to explain to her my reasoning. oh and this poor pt had a fall the previous shift and i was doing hourly neurochecks as result. giving sedatives while during neurochecks is def counterproductive. and it could mask up even more serious problems that could have resulted in her fall. so what does this pct do?! she challenges me and no matter how hard i push i cannot get her to see my point of view. i was so frustrated at why this woman could not understand that my eyes started tearing up and rage came through my body. what a waste of time and exacerbation on my behalf. and lo ho and behold the pt gets a cat scan that night and she has a subdural bleed. But even that didn't shake the pct belief. i even offered my help WHENEVER and she responds with "well you weren't here and everytime she acts up you're there when she's coming down from it" oh puuuh lease ignorant woman. i was able to take time out of MY schedule and sit with the patient and even sing to her while i charted. i was a pct and i know what a huge workload it is. But the patient was manageable just as long as someone is with her. and there are two techs on my hallway. she is so freaking lazy and thinks she is the shit. plus i dont even think my patient liked her as a caregiver. bc she sucks. i hate her guts. no one ever has gotten under my skin like that in my LIFE. she really pushes my buttons. and i want to push her back. HARD and with a vengence. workplace violence is a reality.

this past weekend me, ting, and amy went to visit sandy in kansas city, missouri !! it was relaxing and loaded with tOOOns of good weather, food (barbeque, pho, dim sum, sushi, fondue, seafood, little italian place, zona rosa, gelato, concrete creamery, my first indian resturant, late night diner, happy hours), shopping, keanu's new movie :D and touristy stuff (the plaza, sandy's workplace cerner, clubbing, pubs, casino & hallmark museum). we ate just about every two hours and def 3 times per day. i have never gorged that much before. thanks for planning our trip sandy! plus we finally got to meet her boyfriend marvin :) we learned about The Plaza which is a really nice shopping place downtown. everyday we went to the plaza and walked around. there were horse rides with lighted pumpkin carriages at night. the fountains lit up too. the plaza was SO clean and buildings reminded me of old italian style. it felt like the ocean was nearby. kansas city is known for its fountains (total 1000) and its famous and delicous barbeques. we ate at this awesome restaurant in a gas station called Oklahoma Joe's. the line was so long we had to wait awhile ... ting nearly passed out. the wait was definetly worth the food. we were so hungry i didn't get to take pics of the food. just LOTS of barbeque on the table. everyone was so nice and took the time to talk to you and find things for you. very hospitable :) i would def go back. thanks to the great hosts sandy, marvin, and kevin ! mainly it was so much fun being with the girls again and having time just for us in order to catch up and make new memories ("umm i just graduated from college") . it rocked.

just saw the omen and it was stupid. don't waste your money on the stupid boy. they spent so much time getting to the climax that in the end it was anti climatic. plus the annoying music was SO loud and UNnecessary (ie police sirens and motocycle sounds). and seeing julia stiles as a mom didn't really fit. i kept on thinking of save the last dance and her bopping around in leotards w that black dude. mia farrow as the nanny was creepy ... cept i kept on thinking of what happend betwn her and woody allen and the daughter. the movie was very tangential for me overall. i didn't give the movie another thought after i left. and i fell asleep that night. usually scary movies keep me up thinking and scared. the ring was lots better. even ... the grudge. i saw Xmen today and it was pretty good. lots of ppl have been panning this one. i liked it. maybe i just had lowered expectations as a result of all of you complainers. stay seated after the credits are done for the extra scene !

p.s. i am going to missouri, Kansas City to visit sandy next week w ting & amy! hooray ! now where are my overalls and straw hat ...

omg omg omg i cannot waaait ! ! AND its a romance?! be still my heart.

i am so super duper excited to see keanu on the big screen once again. how does he still look so good ?? sigh. on another note: work has been good to me and i have been good to work. it's been hard switching to the evening schedule (3pm - 1130pm). i get home around midnight and stay up until 1 or 2am then wake up again at 9am! eek a man just came on my porch and with the blowing machine. anyways so yesterday night dan and i were chatting about the immigration laws and status of the mexican border with all the illegals. i got so tired that apparently i asked dan how his dad got his citizenship from mexico. and he replied with exclaimation "MY DAD IS NOT A MEXICAN! He looks like a native american indian! ". lol. sometimes when i am tired my thoughts don't coincide with the conversation. i love it.

yesterday night i got to page my first doc at 9pm. and wouldn't you know it he sounded like he had just woken up but was nice to me about it. i said ah-hem "dr ** yes this is sophie you got my page? i am concerned about **'s potassium level it was 5.5 . her blood pressure is up at 152/74 would you like to continue to hold the lisinopril or continue to wait for tomorrow's surg II in the AM?" he said "blahblah" and i said "thank you very much" and he said it back to me too. small stuff but yayy awesome. i wonder what he looks like, im sure i will meet him eventually. this is fun! i've noticed that ppl at work like to spread rumors and talk about others behind their backs. a staff member came up to me and said i hear you're engaged and live in a condo with your fiance but you guys sleep in different rooms. huh? i checked my left fourth finger just to be sure. nope still nothing. i got the "when are you going to be married" question twice yesterday one from grandma and one from work. its so weird. next will be "where are the babies". then "how are the babies doing" then ... did you get your plot yet? aha. life.

why is it so important to find this j. hoffa. esp since after we spend two weeks (at least) of labor and tax payers' money he is just going back to where we found him: the ground. so my hard earned money (and i can actually make this comment since i actually wooork!) goes back into burying hoffa again. all i'm saying is when they dig up the corpse it better be a good show with lots of unexpected surprises ... like extra bodies or a treasure chest full of invaluable ganster stuff or a cure for cancer. SOMETHING then just rotted skin and overgrown headhair and finger/toe nails. and there better be a picture of it too. hmph.

Nursing school at the UofM (woot top 3 in the nation )
has been a wonderful and life threatening roller coaster.

Goodbye and God bless.

^at the michigan league with grandma for the reception after the ceremony

^laura. me. & tasha. natasha's huuuge family is taking up the entire background. sheesh.

^a2 is theee best

^ after this picture laura fell flat on her face in front of the hill auditorium stairs and then we had to rush her bloody face to the uofm hospital ... psych ;) this is my most favorite picture of the two of us. confused and stumbling through life.

^ my dad never walked for his masters at UofM so i offered him my hat. how academic !

sigh :*)

through two years of excellent health, the dreaded day has come: my doogie dog is sick. he woke me with with a horrible hacking noise. immediately i knew something was up. this hack is the same hacks he uses to throw up food when he's eaten too much. the throwup usually comes up after only a few hacks. the hacks that woke me up were consistent and did not result in any up puke. instead white frothy sticky sputum came up. doogie hacked for about 1.5 hours before stopping for a break. it was the most godawful pathetic scene i've had to endure through his little life. i have been awake since 4am trying to take care and comfort him. wiping away mucus, backmassages, and conversing. he is miserable. and i feel like ripping out my hair or crying. during the initial hacks i called vet emergency and they said it sounds like kennel cough. so i've got to bring him in for an appt today along with a bag of his poo. sigh. he probably got the cough from being groomed a week or so ago. i feel so guilty. i am a bad mama. i wonder if this is how mom's with kiddos that have RSV feel too. what shocked me is dan's reaction to doogie's coughs. he got mad at the dog and was not nice to him. i suppose he was extremely fearful that doogie's health was not so great. and anger was his initial reaction and defense because he wanted the situation to go away. it made me think.
*edit
i just got back from the vet and doogie has a fever of 103.1 degrees. normal dog temp should be 100 - 101. he got a dexamethazone sodium phosphate injection and oral antibiotic pills for the week. the doc also said that his tonsils & lymp nodes are inflammed and hopefully the shot will help that too aside from the fever. she said he maybe has a secondary infection from having something lodged in the throat and the hacking was to get it out. or the frequent change in mich weather from hot to cold to hot makes him susceptible to respiratory infections. she also suggested obedience classes for him. lol. and i wanted to smack her .. then thank her. i did the latter. i think im too sensitive. doogie is due for a check up in a week. hopefully in good health!

after working on the psych unit i wonder why i am often so drained. true it is not the same back breaking sort of pain and exaustion from my experience on other units. instead i feel drained emotionally and mentally. in fact, i think a little part of me shuts down after working simply bc i cannot handle anymore interactions that suck even more attention and focus out of me. it takes me the drive home to recompose, recover, and be selfish for a bit. on a cardiac unit you would have tell tale symptoms and telemonitors in order to predict the patient's condition. you can at least predict what happens during or before a code or be geared toward how patients will respond to various interventions. whereas on the psych floor you are forced to have your guard up at all times. and the patient's mental state is constatly acute and ever changing as a result. i often catch myself with my guard down during down time. this is alarming because anything could happen at anytime and daydreaming poses a huge risk for all peoples on the unit. patients react appropriatly one second and often will have the opposite reaction the second you turn around. the mode of interaction with individual patients also require consideration. i often mentally prepare situations while i am on the unit in order to test my responses, reaction time, and intervening techniques. however, inevitably there is always a span of time when i just need to take a break and think about non work related issues. in some aspects i am eager to move onto the "jaded" part of psych nursing because by then i will be more seasoned and less frantic and obsessive about providing a stable environment. there are many things you can control on the floor but never the thought processes of human beings (and by no means should this right be taken away). eventually i hope to let this neverending nervousness go. thank goodness for the wonderful and supportive staff on the floor. i am so proud to be a part of the amazing team of pros and soon to be upping my position as a psychiatric RN :D

well hello & i hope you've all been well . im nearing the end of my college career and the stress just seems to mount with each week . stress from projects, papers, friends, and worrying about the future . i esp do not need the added stress of drama amonst my small and incredibly close ring o friends . there is one individual who specializes in fiascos and mischief . it is difficult to be friendly with her not because our personalities conflict, in fact they mesh pretty well, but it is because her values, belief system, and especially her actions are not in harmony with mine . total avoidance and uninvolvement is not an option since the others in the group are "friendly" with her although they also share my same opinions . so inevitably she must be in close vicinity of me ... most of the times . and it irritates my mood ... all of the times . in addition to the drama she causes (which inevitably falls on me like a domino effect and this has been a no fail outcome despite my attempts at avoidance) , it irks and frustrates me that others continue this unhealthy relationship . i do not believe in leading people on whether romantically or friendtically. and i never play imaginary friends . it is unfair to all subjected parties and most unfair to the one with the blanket over his or her eyes . what time is it? it is most definetly time to wake up and smell the war of the roses .

today my graduation present is finally official and i am so happy to shout at the top of my lungs MY FIRST PLACE ! mind you i am the co-owner and responsible for paying off the place too but it would NOT have been possible without the help of my parents. and plus plus plus to make life even more wonderful my bestest nursing chica has also secured an official position TODAY on my very unit. we will be together forever!!! OMG ITS GOING TO BE INSANE. pun heavily intended. pictures to come soon :D and a belated birthday shoutout to my cousin charlene in taiwan!!!

!

OMG !! I JUST GOT THE BESTEST GRADUATION PRESENT EVEEERRRRR LAST NIGHT & I AM SO!!OO NERVOUS AND EXCITED !!!!!! MY PARENTS ARE MORE THAN WONDERFUL THEY ARE SUPER DUPER AWESOMELY BAD !!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!! ... SOMEBODAY PINCH ME ..

happy new year ! we had a cozy get-together at dan's condo. the place was spiced up with decor. doogie was much excited amonst the balloons. you can see him looking at me making a balloon in the first pic. thanks to dan and matt for blowing up allll the balloons. they also invented a contraption to hold balloons at the top of the balcony (to be released at midnight). sadly the balloons got stuck up there and had to be manually released. nice try boys. the drinks robert and roxanna made were sooo good. champagne and guava juice with orange sides. we had tons of food spanning from smoky sausages, chocolate cake, chocolate fruitcake?, chocolate cupcakes, chips, ect. yummy!

[group] roxanna, rob, dan, steve, matt, and nancy

[girls] kristen, me, nancy, and roxanna.

here is everyone playing poker. we bought an entire stash of bottle rockets that made it sound as if guns were going off in the house (you can see the stuff in the first two pics on the table. that whole flask is filled to the brim w bottle rockets). it made a mess. omg. sooo loud, dangerous, and most important - awesome. i thought we were going to light something on fire too. haha somehow rob was forced into the dummy corner while me and kristen grin evily. the dude next to kristen is her bf dana. and they are reading books. boo! i wish i had taken more action pictures during midnight but lots of footage was captured on video. o wells. send to me ppl !

there were party favors with glowsticks and lots of candy for our guests. muah! hoonie's nose is squished. i hope everyone has a wonderful lucky new year! i know many wonderful things are going to happen this year and it makes me want to pee just thinking about it all!